Snooze (i)

What's stopping you?

Good question. What's stopping me?

Nothing.

It was the comfort, the glimmering hope of a settlement, of peacefulness, of a home. It was the word "finally", the feeling of everything being enough kind, "finally"

Is it the insecurities?

Insecurities? Insecurities? Insecurities? The word echoed, gently knocking on my skull. Those fears I haven't felt for years had then been awakened. The feeling of being alone when everyone else is not, the feeling of being the one that is left out. But is it?

Maybe.

But is it really?

Or the confidence?

It's been so long, true, but have I not been living my life to the fullest still, all these times? I don't need those supports, I said, knocking the fears back to the very bottom of my mind. I am my own support system. So why bother searching?

Both, I think.

They jumped out of the pool of mud, clinging hard onto my head until they cooled down and finally made themselves a permanent souvenir. That was when I know, that once he leaves, he'll leave something ugly behind.

You should probably start again, then.

Just like that, the alarm started the annoying ring. And I snoozed. I snoozed. I snoozed.