Friday, July 18, 2014

Jeux D'enfants: Tu Me Manques.

Hello, there.

How have you been doing, besides disappearing and being out of track? At times when I have no better things to be thought about, I think about you. I let you slip into my mind, and it is surprisingly easy, despite the fact that my logic, and even my dumb heart knows that I shouldn't have done it again.

At times I don't think I need anyone to caress this fragile heart of mine but myself, you come across. It is weird, and you're such a disturbing image to see, such a disastrous distraction to fight, and an awful, painful memory to be remembered and reminisced.

Yet no matter how stupid it is, how illogically ill I am, and how a scumbag you once were or still are, I enjoy those moments when I catch myself thinking about you, daydreaming about you. I can feel my heart shouting at my sanity, to not drag it into the same old hole full of those pathetic feelings I once had for you. I can feel my mind struggling, scratching the inside of my skull with its hard logical truth, trying to remind me of the same old pain you once dragged me into.

But remembering you is easy, remembering us is easy, forgetting you is not, and erasing you is worse. So I let my insanity takes over. It's like being in a complicated maze, knowing I will never find a way out, but I'm enjoying every similar corner I encounter inside: the flowers once bloomed. Its scent lingers me, bringing up everything about you back onto the surface, as I sink deeper into this ocean, drowning in the memory of you and me, we and us.

The shrugged shoulders,
the "I don't know"s...
The almost,
the in-betweens...
I think about you so much now,
are you dreaming about me?

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