Friday, I'm (not) in Love

The title says it all. Looks like I won't be in love with Friday anymore. My office just came up with a new regulation. Yes, I'm going to have my office hour on Saturday too.

Office hour on Sat = no time for hanging out = bored = I want to kill someone right now.

This week's long weekend would be my last long weekend for as long as I'm staying in this company. It is there, waiting for me as if it wants to have a good farewell party with me. Like, "Oh hey, you're not going to have us again. So you can have a long one for now. But bye for later!" Ugh. Even the days are teasing me!

I've been wanting to let out "everything" here about this new regulation, and about what happened these past few days, about what I feel, about what I think, about the insecurity I'm having toward almost everything. But, meh. I'll just save it for later. I'm not sure if I want my friends, or some strangers who just happened to cross this blog accidentally, know anything about it.

So for now, let's just say, I fall out of love with Friday.

God, please guide me through the days. Amen.

Where Did the Party Go?

Honolulu! Greeting, earthlings!

I know I haven't write that much but anything gloomy these days, I don't know why either. Maybe it's because I'm just lazy that way, but probably because I'm in my gloomy mood too recently.

I don't feel like I'm in my best stage right now, not my worst either but I'm in a low one, I just know it. I lost my excitement for things I found important a year ago. And that's terrible. Because those used to be my source of energy, and with the excitement gone, I feel pretty much energy-less (lol is there even a word?!)

Even for social-interaction with my friends, tell you what! My junior high besties came visit me two days ago, they nagged on how it was difficult for them to reach me via anything, text message, phone call, and I only had two reasons to defend myself with, "lazy", and "I forgot to reply."

Roleplay used to be my perfect escape when I'm in this kind of situation, but it affects me nomore. It bores me too. I tend to get online just to seen-zone these people, like some posts, and then log myself out again.

I don't know what I'm currently searching right now but I feel the need to be back on track. I don't know, to socialize more, perhaps? To write more, draw more, even if it's only a trashy doodle. To listen to some more new songs and sing in the bathroom (it's been awhile since the last time I did the latter). To feel excited again.

Come on, Q.

Get out of your I'm-bored-and-boring stage, please!

Anyway I hope you all a very good day ahead. Tata for now, okay? I hope I'll be writing again soon.

Inside the Circle

It's like being in another world,

leaving your mask, stop being a poser for awhile,
like being whole,
being yourself, having all the reasons you need to smile.

It's when the whole world stops and distance doesn't matter,
though in fact the clock passes so fast,
it's when your worries fade and your days felt better,
as I pray in loud whispers for the circle to last.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

The knocking sound on my window,

along with the cold breeze,
reminds me of today, two years ago,
when the ground filled with autumn leaves.

The brown, grayish color the green leaves had turn into,
and those empty benches on each side of the road,
none of them seemed to change as I pass on with holes on my shoe,
and holes in my heart too, if only they knew, but I didn't stop.

"Rain, rain, go away,"
is what I used to sing in my head every time the rain shows up,
though it sure won't be a better day,
if the rain stops but the snow starts to drop.

Bo Burnham, Everyone.

Idiot. Idiot and I love him. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Read his book you guys.

Here are some of what's inside.

I don't know what to say anymore. Bo Burnham, everyone.

Not Accustomed To

I'm not accustomed to be away from you,
to not having your presence the moment I wake up,
to not smelling the scent of the coffee you sip in the morning,
to not helping you make the bed,
to not having you tell me about your weird dream,
to not watching the weather forecast with you,
to not laughing together about absolutely nothing.

I'm still not accustomed to have no you.

PS: I miss you, Dad.

Two Months and a Day of a Twenty-two.

Hello, cold world.

Something is happening to me, I don't know what that is but I know it is not something good. I lost my passion for literally, almost everything. I used to love writing so much, and I know I still do. It's just, I feel like there are tons of things blocking my mind to have new ideas, and my fingers to actually move around the keyboard and start visualize things. So it occurs with editing and photographs. I love those two a lot, used to depend my mood on how many comments and favorites I got on my Deviant Art account, which has probably been dead for years.

I'm observing those who live around me, my families, my friends, my co-workers, even my network mates. I don't know whether or not they have been through this stage of mine or that they never encounter with this situation at all, but they all seem fine. Their life is exciting, they have stories to tell, new activities to do besides their routine, inside-jokes, whatever it is that I don't think I have right now.

My life is so dull and stagnant and I don't know what to do with it anymore to excite myself. I've started writing again days ago. At some moment, I feel like something is filling me up again, but then when I stopped my fingers from moving, the feeling is back. I've tried listening to some new music too, just to widened my field of interest, tried to learn new languages, practiced on my amateur skill of typography, still, it wasn't enough.

Maybe it's a part of being a twenty-two. Maybe it's true that this age has given me too much freedom, that I don't even know what to do with it anymore. Call me exaggerating, but I really think that I'm starting to lose myself.

Why?

...Why do we write fiction?
"To express ourselves,"
"Because we like the sound of our own voices,"
Why do I write?
"To explore new worlds,"
"To explore old ones,"
To be somewhere else,
"Maybe to make sense of ourselves?"
"To set ourselves free,"
To get free of ourselves.
"To show people what it's like inside our heads,"
"To make people laugh,"
"To get attention."
"To stop hearing the voices in our heads,"
To stop, to stop being anything or anywhere at all.
"To leave our mark,"
"To create something that will outlive us."
"Asexual reproduction."
"To share something true,"

Cath shook her head.
"Why do we write fiction?" Professor Piper asked.
Cath looked down at her notebook.
To disappear.

Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl, ch. 2, pg 23.

My personal muse.

Fangirl

Love, love, love, the cover design

Just bought myself another Rainbow Rowell's masterpiece last night! The book title says it all of what the book's about. I'm going to start reading it tomorrow, and maybe, just maybe when I'm not lazy, I'll put up a review for it here in my blog. Read you later, Cath!

Belated Birthday, Ki!

2014 is a special year, indeed. I had never, in my entire life, celebrate my own birthday outside the island I live in. God just gave me the chance, so I took it. Spent the first whole week of 2014 in Bali with my beloved quirksome family. It was splendid. Alhamdulillah, Ya Allah, for your gift.

My birthday cake! Hm, vintage much? Typo though. It should be "bunda", not "buda" -_-