Tired

It's when your body refuses to get out of the bed, and your skin feels like it's burning every single time it touches the fabric of your clothes. It's when the burden you've been dealing with march its way to your head, and your eyes felt like they're burning inside every time they're closed.

The Vibe is Back!

I haven't write anything for the past 5 days, why? Not that I was too busy, since I have my long weekend this week, (April 18th-20th were my days off). Not that Ameera kept me full-handed in my home either, since she's been a really nice baby recently (she eats and sleeps well). Why, then?

Good news...for myself, for the vibe is back! What vibe? My writing vibe! Writing a blog was such a "turn on" for me to write some more, and now here I am, having my recent fiction in process. I've reached the second chapter last night, and it consists of around 2,000 words, and I feel pretty much stoked and excited about it!

It's been really awhile since the last time I wrote a fanfiction, moreover a fiction, like the original one. I thought that my job was the one that's keeping me away from the "vibe" of writing a fiction, but I guess that's not it. I stopped roleplaying for more than a week now, I urge myself not to open any of my roleplay facebook account and to standby on my own for work and socializing purpose.

And guess what, it helps a lot! I spent every single damn minute to write, write, and write each time Ameera is with her babysitter, each time I'm free, (mostly when I'm about to fall asleep). I may not be as fast as I did back then when I was still in college writing a fanfiction called "Clueless", where I stayed in a dormitory and my classes were ended before 4PM (obvious reasons). But I think I manage my time quite well this time, in between my chores at home and research at work, I still manage quite well to write, and just to add, to read my friend's fiction in process too!

It feels pretty much like the old days, when she and I are such active authors in AFF, when we tend to exchange our updates every time we're done with a new chapter for our story, and how it would trigger each other to write more, to finish faster, just so it will be read. I miss those.

It feels good too, to know that I still manage to write on my blog too, though I've been absent for 5 days. But 5 days aren't forever, right? I will make sure that I still write things here, be it my journal or some things stinking cheesy for my literature corner. So until the next update, see you around and take care, peeps!

Bahagia Bukanlah Sempurna: Worth Some Vote-ups!

So I was in my dining room two days ago when suddenly my older sister came to me running with a confused-yet-excited face. I asked her what happened, of course, and that was when she enthusiastically told me about her cousin (yes, her, not mine, since we only share the same father, not womb, if you know what I mean), Mas Levi, we used to call him. He participated in this Indonesian Indie Movie Competition held by Buronan Film (or so it is stated on the website's name). What she said to me was, "Ki, Mas Levi has posted the trailer for his movie in this website," she said as she gave me her iPhone, showed her safari browser with this website opened. "He needs a lot of votes so he could win the top three."

Confused and interested with the topic, (I have always been interested in Indie movies, especially those came from my own country) I asked her again of what will the top three get as the price. "The top three will receive donations, of which will be enough for the participants to make a real movie out of their trailers. So if Mas Levi win this, he'll be able to direct his own movie!"

Curious with what the trailer looks like, I opened the website given to me awhile ago and logged in using my Facebook account. An email verification is needed before anyone could log into the website and browse the gallery. After I was done doing the procedures needed to view the gallery, I searched for Mas Levi's trailer right away. The title is Bahagia Bukanlah Sempurna (briefly translated into Happiness isn't about Perfection), which you can see yourself through this link here, or by playing the video below:

The movie's plot is stated below the trailer in Bahasa. I've translated it into English here for anyone from outside the country to read:

It is about a disabled little girl who only has one leg and one arm. She only lives with her father, who likes to drink a hell lot since his wife abandoned him with their child. The poor girl quit her school for being bullied by her normal classmates, only spends some of her times with a very few neighbors she has as friends, while most are spent alone. There comes a day when her father came home drunk. Losing the control of his temper, he hit the girl on her face until she lost her consciousness. That was the last time she saw him around. The plot jumped into years later, when the girl has turned into an independent woman with a supporting mannequin leg and arm. Lives in an apartment all by herself, she tends to have nightmares at night, about a ghost of a little girl pulling her mannequin body parts away from her, makes her feel uncomfortable. She then decided to go back to her old house, where she finds a box filled with old Polaroid pictures, and the picture shocks her. The picture captures herself in blood, with a leg and an arm belongs to another little girl. She tries to remember about what has happened in the past, and the ending reveals the reason for her nightmares. She killed a girl who bullied her a lot when she was still in school, just for having a perfection that doesn't even bring her any happiness.

Ergh, scary much, eh? *shivers* Ghost stories don't scare me, but they do, when they have a touch of thriller in it. I hate thriller, not that I dislike it, it's actually one of my favorite genres, but it scares the shit out of me. And I think this movie, if Mas Levi ever win this (in which I hope he will), will scare the shit out of me too. I mean, come on, don't you think cutting other people's body parts aren't horrifying enough?! Personally, I like the plot, it is something one could use in a fiction, but one doesn't simply come up with such idea. It's unique in its own way. I'm being a little biased here, though, since I think he has some heavy competitors there *amazed with what's in the gallery* but really, he deserves some more votes than he got already right now. 38?! Others have above 400 votes, I mean, come on!

Best of luck for Mas Levi. I hope anyone who read this wouldn't bother to use some of their minutes to give it a try, to put on some vote-ups, to give a chance for this guy to give what Indonesian Horror Movie needs, the "vibe", and ain't the porn. (PORN IS WHAT'S IN INDONESIAN'S MOST HORROR MOVIES, HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?!) Apart from that, I wish everyone a good day ahead.

Honolulu, peeps!

Life as a Research Assistant

I had been complaining about my job ever since I got here on July 16th 2013, knowing that my friends have "cooler" job titles, like "copy writer" and "publicity officer". The fact that the company I'm working in right now is a new and small company got me insecure too, moreover that I'm the kind of person who tends to compare my situation with my friends'.

"Where do you work?" is my less favorite question to answer about my career. Others (referring to those friends of mine) would answer proudly with "RCTI" (a big television company in my country), "Rolling Stone Magazine", or "Allianz". Mine, if I have to answer, would be, "just a small company in West Jakarta. An IT company in property field, stuffs like that."

Then people would go like, "So your company sells houses and buildings, yes?" ARGH. We're an IT company, not a property agent, or broker, or whatsoever company! It frustrates me at times, when some families of mine keep on asking when will my boss give me a free house to live in. Like what the actual fuckery, man? Zzz.

So... My title for this company right now is "Research Assistant and Administrative", sounds cool, yet so rare I hate it when people questions about it. Because the more I explain them about what I'm doing, the less cooler it will be. So what do I do? I'm collecting data, as much as possible, as much as I could, as much as time would let me, just so I could calculate the exact number of how much each land per square-meter costs in each region in big cities in my country. Sounds so simple, yet it's a hell lot thing to do. It takes times and a great concentration. Well, actually, it's something anyone who's willing to learn can do, one doesn't have to reach a bachelor degree (moreover a literature student like me) to get a research done.

That's why I feel a bit of... Well, what's my three and a half years of studying English language, linguistic, and literature for, then, if I end up doing math here instead? Then I ran across this blog, and I read it carefully, "Research Assistant" is described as something more interesting than it did on mine up there just now. It says:

Being a Research Assistant is very similar to being a detective. You have been given an objective - to uncover as much information you can about a subject - and you must go to any means to retrieve this information. Sometimes this will include wandering through libraries for hours, collapsing in defeat between the stacks, carrying copious amounts of books which obscure your vision, and other courageous acts of research. Often you must be stealthy and exploit all the resources available - even if this involves assuming another identity, picking up on the smallest clues left behind and following these leads meticulously. You must be dedicated, you must be tireless, and most importantly you must have an abnormally long attention span.

And still, from the same blog, added up below the paragraphs are:

The experience of research has its own unique joys and frustrations which I believe are universal, no matter the topic of study.

It makes me realized that, actually, I'm a detective after all these times! Really! I've been in phone calls as a made-up identity, just to collect data from brokers about the cost of certain lands in the cities, act out as if I have the interest to buy it myself. It's tough, especially when they call you back to follow you up about it. I was like, "I don't even have money fml."

The blog, thankfully, has opened my eyes for a new perspective of my job, that it isn't as boring as I thought. Even more, I gained a lot of knowledge from this job regarding property industry! Not forget to mention the research skill increased.

I feel better right now, knowing that what I'm doing isn't just something anyone could do. One would need a hell lot of dedication, concentration, and stuffs to conduct a research. And I have survived almost a year doing this thing every day. I named my office's computer "Jawn" as in John Watson, for he is my best friend and source for my research and many other "cases".

Okay then, that's all about it for now. Detective Q is out!

The Truth Is...

If I should list some things that are his,

of which I truly miss,
it would be his smile, his lips against my cheeks,
his palms on my forehead, his good-night-kiss,
and his creaky voice when he said "Good day ahead, little miss,"
things I really wish up until now still exists.

The Night is Young

Don't be too careful,
go on and sing along.
Walk chin-up ahead,
like there's nothing wrong.
Your life's waiting,
so leave your fears abandoned.
Take all the risks, darling,
for the night is still young.

Patience

Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

A beautiful suggestion well-told.

Extra Ordinary

You aren't the red roses in anniversaries,
nor the chocolates in Valentine's day,
you're something extra ordinary,
one that isn't simply found and stays.

Original

I love this, the feeling I have every time I shower. The water rinse down from my head to my ankles, fades away my colors. I feel plain as I look at my reflection in the mirror; so pale, so tired, without those make-ups in layers, I feel like I know her better.

A Love Story

Would take too many papers for it to be written,
and so many hours for it to be told,
the story before you came, after, and things in between,
and those you brought along; promises and hopes.

Romeo & Juliet

Him.
He's no Romeo, though he is known as the name,
for he serenades the town with romance so lame,
songs he wrote for her, the girl of his dream,
whose face he can't forget since the day she first came.

Her.
She's no Juliet, though she seems a bit like the lady,
days and nights she waits for him on her balcony,
to utter the words of love in such symphony,
for his voice has become her favorite melody.

Them.
They're not the legendary couple, though in some ways are as ironic,
they love each other terribly but neither is bold enough to speak.
What are they so afraid of, they don't know, and they don't bother to seek.
Maybe it's their feelings too strong yet their hearts too weak?

I Miss You

It was mid September,

and I was looking at our picture,

you know, the one we took that summer?

In your hands were those flowers,

along with their beautiful colors,

and their sweet scents, yes, I still remember.

Time passed so fast, it was almost winter,

the coldness brought back my thought from its corner,

realized me that, really, nothing lasts forever.

So I just sat there in silence and wondered,

how does it feel like to be up there, with me under?

Do you miss me like I miss you, Mother?

In Between

I'm stuck in a gravity,
not the same old push and pull,
it's a new one.

Something about insanity,
about feeling sick and dull,
about wanting to move on.

In between the was, is, and what will be,
among those chances of "once and for all",
so crowded yet so alone.

Silence is Golden

One of these days I find silence is golden,
most people can't stop to blabber out what should have been hidden.

The great wall of bond is broken,
respect is sinking.

They don't bother to think of what they did and how it caused others' feelings,
toward the words that shouldn't be uttered and the tone they used when they were speaking.

How did it start, when, or will it ever end?
I pray hard to Lord Almighty for the silence to come again.

Stop

I'm currently nowhere,

not having my feet on the ground,

neither my head in the clouds, I'm invisible.

I'm currently no one,

still waiting for a sound,

to sign me of who I am, I'm vulnerable.

I'm currently nothing,

at times I want to scream out loud,

but even to myself, I'm not voluble.

I want to stop.

Election = Reflection

Semakin gue tua, (gamau ngomong dewasa, soalnya emang belom) semakin berasa kalo ekonomi negeri tercinta ini emang semerawut, dari mulai yg kecil kayak harga pasaran bawang sama cabe, sampe yang gede kayak properti, udah mulai gue icip sedikit-sedikit.

Terus gue jadi inget, gimana si Daddy dulu marahnya bukan main pas tau si Mawar (sebut saja Mawar lah ya), yang udh dia perjuangkan atas nama rakyat untuk duduk di kursi presiden, malah ingkar janji. Gimana dia (subjek ganti lagi ke si Daddy) banting setir untuk jadi "pengkhianat" dan mengusung nama lain yg dikiranya lebih pantas menjabat. Ga jauh-jauh dari si Mawar, Tono (sebut saja Tono lah ya) juga dianggep bokap gue sangat mengecawakan kepercayaan rakyat kecil yang udh milih dia.

Setelah bokap ga ada, udah hampir ada 2 kali pemilihan presiden, yang terakhir terpilih, yang sedikit gue icipin tata perekonomiannya, ga bisa gue bilang bikin rakyat terpuruk, tapi as far as I observe, he doesn't try hard enough to make it better. Or he did, and somehow, only God knows why, it didn't work.

Nah, sekarang lagi rame lagi nih kampanye caleg untuk pemda sama capres dimana-mana. Partai lama mulai mencoba untuk merebut kembali hati rakyat, partai baru naikin pamor pake capres yang namanya terkenal, malah sampe ada rumor raja dangdut mau (atau sudah?) ikutan baris.

Mungkin belom aja ya, tapi gue ngerasa, walaupun persaingan untuk merebutkan si "jabatan" ini makin ketat karena yg nyalon makin banyak, gue ngerasa kampanye nya ga seramai dulu waktu jaman si Mawar, yang sampe jalanan macet penuh sama warna merah gambar banteng.

Kesimpulan sesaat gue adalah, "Maybe this will be a better one, Insha Allah." Karena tidak terlalu gembornya kampanye dan blusu'an massal, gue merasa kalo orang-orang ini berusaha memenangkan hati rakyat lewat fair-play. It's like, "I won't put so much effort, let the people see and decide themselves." But God, I was wrong.

Jadi gini, minggu lalu, saat pulang kantor sama ojek langganan, sebut aja Jupri (emang namanya Jupri, sih) tiba-tiba nanya ke gue, "Ki. Udah tau, mau coblos siapa?" Gue pikir dia lg ngmgin pemilihan presiden, jadi gue blg, "Belom ada pasangan favorite, tapi kayaknya sih ada beberapa pegangan." Trs dia nanya lagi, "Bukan, buat yang Tangsel, Ki." Oh, oke. Jadi dia ngomongin soal pemda. Gue jawab lah, "Belom, orang nya aja saya ga ada yg kenal kecuali temen smp saya. Mungkin saya coblos dia."

Barulah abis itu si Jupri jelasin, "Gini, Ki. di tempat pengajian gue, ada tetangga Kiki, orangnya baik, jujur deh pokoknya. Nah, dia nih nyaleg. Katanya kalo ampe dia kepilih, dia mau ngundi orang-orang yang udah milih dia. Nanti hadiahnya banyak, udah disiapin. Ada motor, ada duit, ada umroh, banyak lah. Nah, Pak Jupri disuruh nyari orang buat milih, nanti per KTP gue dikasih 20 ribu. Cuma butuh fotokopi KTP aja kok." Gue cuma spontan blg, "nanti aja saya kasih 20 ribu buat Pak Jupri, tapi saya ga ikutan."

Ngerasa ga puas, dia nerusin, "Pak Haji ini udh biasa bawa org umroh tiap taun, jadi pasti dapet jatah. Ga mungkin kabur."

Dan gue cuma bisa jawab, sok demokratis, "Maaf pak, suara Kiki ga bisa dibeli." Walaupun sebenernya sih gue juga gatau gue akan pilih siapa nantinya.

What's on my mind? Yah, ternyata kampanye yg fair-play itu doesn't exist. Bayangin aja, ini baru pemda loh, gimana yang tinggian kayak presiden, yang jatah kampanye nya lebih banyak? Gue juga gatau, tipikal cara berpikir orang Indonesia sebenernya gimana. Apakah mereka rela pilih pemimpin karena dikasih hadiah di muka? Terus pas pemimpinnya lalai ikutan menghujat? Entahlah. Sekedar pemikiran. Kebayang sih, kalo Daddy masih ada, dia bakal "ngebacot" apa. "The process of the election itself, is the reflection of our nation", itu yang dulu pernah dia bilang.

Yasudahlah ya! Mari berdoa aja untuk Indonesia!

PS: sekali-sekali lah tulisan serius di blog gue. pusing? minum panadol!

PPS: #bukaniklan