Twilight

Lace your fingers against mine, so that our hearts will burst out in colors. We'll paint the sky in twilight, as the sun sets and the bright stars follow.

She's...

She has a pair of cautious eyes, been awake since day one,

And an aware mind, more prepared than what lays behind her ribs was once,

Where the bruises stay, and wounds bleed at times.

All to welcome the night: the crescent moon and the stars that shine.

"Is she crying?"

It’s not about the darkness that creeps, but more to the silence that follows,

Because in silence she’d remember things she’s been trying to swallow,

Not him, or those memories he’s in,

It is the unrequited longing, and the pain it brings.

"Or is it raining?"

She’d spent hours watching the ceiling, thinking,

Of the what-if-s, if-only-s, how-s, why-s, all the wondering,

She'd let the questions hits her like an auto-replay, pictures of him would come and run,

But her eyes stay dry, she breathes normally, almost numb.

"There are clouds in her eyes,"

But at times, in one of those silences that accompany the night,

She’d let her cautiousness fades and awareness sleeps,

With eyes closed, falling tears, and a bleeding wound that kills.

"It’s falling, falling..."

A post inspired by a song

Me + You

Sometimes I think,

if we like too many common things,

we might end up liking each other.

But then he said,

"As much as I want, or had it in my dreams,

you've fell for him, and I can't forget about her."

Love Journey

I walked too fast on those first steps the day I began my journey, so fast that I'm walking too slow for now, too tired to catch up, satisfied enough to see others passing by.

Some walk hand-in-hand, side by side, others have someone waiting for them a few steps ahead.

There were times when I see someone on what seems like the end of the heavenly long stairs, waiting for me.

But then the man waved a hello to a woman behind me, and by then, the closer I get, the further the edge of the stairs seemed, and it made me realize, that the end of the journey is still a long way to go.

At hard times, I'd take a sit, straighten my legs down those steps, it always feels good, taking a rest like that. But then I'd be too lazy to continue climbing the stairs up, assuming days spent daydreaming would taste better instead.

But the wooden-stairs is not an escalator, neither is my life, and daydreaming won't get me anywhere near anyone I'd be willing to daydream about or with the whole time.

So slowly, I lift my tired legs up, forcing them to take baby steps up and ahead as I rewind the lines they used to say to me each time I feel like giving up, "the stairs will end somewhere, and when it does, your endeavor to find him will worth the waiting".

inspired by a post thoughtfully written

A Midnight Cig

A red burning flame with a little touch of gray as it turns itself to ashes, leaving black marks behind and dusts below. White smoke goes where the wind blows it, pausing each time she inhales. She opens her lips apart, letting it out; fumes of sighs.

Careful What You Wish For

"Careful what you wish for cause you just might get it". I spent most of my times in 2k14 nagging to Allah; about my love life, about my work, about everything, and it all lead me to a big question of "what is it you're planning to do in your wild and precious life?". I used to believe that I was born to do more than being good enough at things, but indeed, a lot of things in 2k14 made me doubt myself.

God knows it so well how craving for a better job I was, to have a roller coaster ride and challenges to face everyday, to get out of my comfort zone, to learn a lot of new things that excite me, and most of all, to have a job I would say, "I'm living my life" about. Maybe I did pray hard enough, or I nagged too much God finally decided to give me what I want just to see what I could do once I get it.

2k15 choked me in surprise. I got my dream job, one that requires creativity and my language skill, one with roller coaster ride and challenges to face everyday, one that kicks me out of my comfort zone. All wishes granted at once. But then again, no yin comes without the yang.

It exhausts me, both mentally and physically. I realized I lack in so many things, and it affects my self-confidence so much that I take what seems like forever to get a job done. It's frustrating, since I've mastered my previous job so well, but now I'm taking baby steps again just to understand what it is that I'm really doing.

But I'm considered very lucky to have a job I love, a job that thousands of people in the world would kill to have. So now, I'd like to wish again, carefully this time, to have countless patience and strength to get through 2k15 safely, to be able to give the best for my country, and to once again believe, that I was born not to just be good enough at things, but to be someone that brings advantages to people too.

2k15, please be nice.

The Greatest Fall

Things get harder when you realize you're falling for someone. Not because that falling in love isn't pretty, nor because the feeling itself isn't exciting.

It is the "he loves me, he loves me not" that is annoying, not forgetting the constant self-pitying about how he's out of your league and how you're not pretty enough to catch his attention.

The nights you'd think of him so much you wonder whether or not he's thinking about you too. Those moments you'd ask yourself how he sees you as, followed right away by those times you'd answer the question on your own, "no one but a girl whose name he knows".

Not falling for someone is easy. You don't have to spend any goddamn moment thinking whether or not it's the right time for a touch-up, or hesitating to say hi to anyone because you'd greet literally everyone with that exaggerating style of yours without the need to think "was I being too much?"

Thinking about it makes you sick, as every single thing he does toward you becomes an unappropriate sign of "yes" or "no", like "he says hi, he probably likes me", "he looks away, he probably doesn't", and the list goes on and on, and without you realizing it, you've become this one insanely worried woman, with minds filled with countless possibilities with hopes raising up and down on their own.

It makes you pathetic. It makes love seems pathetic too.