A Midnight Cig

A red burning flame with a little touch of gray as it turns itself to ashes, leaving black marks behind and dusts below. White smoke goes where the wind blows it, pausing each time she inhales. She opens her lips apart, letting it out; fumes of sighs.

Careful What You Wish For

"Careful what you wish for cause you just might get it". I spent most of my times in 2k14 nagging to Allah; about my love life, about my work, about everything, and it all lead me to a big question of "what is it you're planning to do in your wild and precious life?". I used to believe that I was born to do more than being good enough at things, but indeed, a lot of things in 2k14 made me doubt myself.

God knows it so well how craving for a better job I was, to have a roller coaster ride and challenges to face everyday, to get out of my comfort zone, to learn a lot of new things that excite me, and most of all, to have a job I would say, "I'm living my life" about. Maybe I did pray hard enough, or I nagged too much God finally decided to give me what I want just to see what I could do once I get it.

2k15 choked me in surprise. I got my dream job, one that requires creativity and my language skill, one with roller coaster ride and challenges to face everyday, one that kicks me out of my comfort zone. All wishes granted at once. But then again, no yin comes without the yang.

It exhausts me, both mentally and physically. I realized I lack in so many things, and it affects my self-confidence so much that I take what seems like forever to get a job done. It's frustrating, since I've mastered my previous job so well, but now I'm taking baby steps again just to understand what it is that I'm really doing.

But I'm considered very lucky to have a job I love, a job that thousands of people in the world would kill to have. So now, I'd like to wish again, carefully this time, to have countless patience and strength to get through 2k15 safely, to be able to give the best for my country, and to once again believe, that I was born not to just be good enough at things, but to be someone that brings advantages to people too.

2k15, please be nice.